As the Year Comes to an End

As the year comes to an end, there are many things I'm grateful for. 2018 was a rollercoaster for me, but I'm looking back on it with a smile. Of course, together with ecstatic moments, there were also moments of sadness because that's life.

I'm grateful for heartbreak.

At the start of 2018, I was met with heartbreak. If you've ever gone through heartbreak, then I don't have to explain the pain since you probably know how that feels like. But I'm grateful for heartbreak - it taught me how to emerge from that sea of pain, whole, whilst celebrating self-love. I have to admit, I was a fistful of various emotions: sadness, pain and most definitely anger, but I'm grateful that with time, I grew from it. Heartbreak reminded me that even when I'm marred with cracks, I'm still, and always will be, intact.

I'm grateful for my family and friends.

My friends and my family are important to me. They're the reason why I always wear a smile - they helped through times of adversity, and I know they'll continue to support me with a helping hand plastered on my back. They give me that push during moments of self-doubt, and I'm forever grateful for the faith they have in me in terms of fulfilling my dreams, as well as my goals. So, thank you, for allowing me to share my deepest thoughts and worries; thank you for the trust, and thank you for walking with me throughout 2018. You guys know who you are. Let's run towards 2019 this time while also enjoying the view.

To those I've lost contact with or are no longer as close to as before, I hope you guys are doing well, and as sentimental as this will sound, I hope that we could reconnect in 2019.

I'm grateful for inner growth.

During this year, I've been working on myself, which you can probably tell with all the dancing videos I've been posting (*laughs awkwardly*). Back then, I wouldn't have dared to post any of those because if you know me, then you know how shy I am. I've been working on this shyness of mine this year because I wanted to improve my lack of confidence, and if you really really know me, then you know how hard it is to achieve this. Shyness isn't something you can get over with a click of your fingers. Before I speak, I think about the sentence in my head before I say them whenever I have to feedback in lessons; my heart beats faster to the point where I'm surrounded by nerves, and sometimes I can't get the words out, or they turn into a mumble instead. I don't know if this is social anxiety, but I guess it's similar to it.

It's a constant inner battle that I always fight.

An easier way to describe it is as if I'm tied with a rope and it's pulling me back whenever I try to do something outside of my comfort zone, but I'm grateful that this rope is no longer constricting me. I still have my moments of shyness, but it's something I know I can definitely overcome.

One thing I'm doing to fight this is by doing something outside of my comfort zone, as funny as that sounds, because I realised I have to face this shyness sooner or later. It's one of the reasons why I joined the dance society, other than the fact that I enjoy it. I'll continue working on myself during 2019 too, so the year better be prepared for me. HAHA.

Can the cameraman tell me why he took this photo?

I'm grateful for 2018, and life itself.

Thank you for a year of emotions and experiences. I will never forget what you taught me this year, and I will continue upholding it in 2019 in the form of improving myself.

Change is inevitable - thank you for slapping me in the face to remind me, but I know this change is for my own good.

I'll continue gracing you with the best version of myself, 2019.

I hope you guys didn't recoil from this sentimental post...