Book Raves Pt. 11: The Places I've Cried in Public by Holly Bourne

"It looked like love. It felt like love. But this isn't a love story."

The first book I've ever read by Bourne was It Only Happens in the Movies and after loving her writing and deciding to follow her on social media, I told myself that I had to read her latest book, which was the book this review will focus on (she has a new novel that I think came out at the end of March).

So, I was at the library when I borrowed this book, together with Five Feet Apart and since my broke student ass was saving money, I couldn't buy the book no matter how much I wanted to... This is what's amazing about libraries, and I couldn't be any more grateful (libraries are too underrated and sometimes taken for granted).

The Places I've Cried in Public (TPICP) features a heartbroken protagonist, Amelie, who leaves her old life behind in Sheffield to move down south due to her father being made redundant - her old life meaning her closest friends and the boy she grew to love, Alfie. She struggles with shyness, especially when she starts her first day in a new college, and although she's a very talented musician, she struggles with stage fright as well. And I mean the vomiting type of stage fright.

After a mandatory talent show, Amelie meets Reese, a charming guy who seems to wear hats all the time. All at once, she's taken by his charm and is smitten, even though he's pretty much a stranger. She describes their meeting as "weirdly right" and "oddly normal." Eventually, but also quite too fast, she becomes Reese's girlfriend, but we know from the blurb that this isn't one of those heartwarming romances.

She experiences a toxic and an unhealthy relationship, stemming from Reese's desire of being in the spotlight. Due to this, their relationship ended very badly, yet she's still hoping that they'd get back together. In order to get over him, Amelie decides to revisit the places where they shared memories, but also the places where he made her cry.

I like the way Bourne writes Amelie's story of healing - it interweaves between the past and the present, giving us readers a sense of what past Amelie was feeling through her memories. However, it never fails to remind us of the present whenever Amelie's voice chimes in to make a snide comment, or any comment that suggested the bad ending.

TPICP is a great example of the saying "love is blind" and the idea of rose-coloured glasses, as well as emotional abuse, controlling behaviour and sexual assault. Although it's probably hard to discern emotional abuse from physical abuse, it still occurs. And Amelie's story, even though fictional, is one out of many out there about these subjects. It may be fictional, but the events within this book are very real issues that someone could be facing right now.

SPOILER ALERT. Amelie was emotionally abused to the point where she conveyed self-hate:

"Me. Pathetic me. Pathetic me, who has always been too sensitive and too needy and feels too deeply. If only I'd been less pathetic, maybe you would still love me. If only I wasn't like me. Stupid me. Shitty me. Unloveable me."

If you ever feel like this because of someone who claims to love you, then that isn't love. Love should not make you hate yourself, or make you feel like the emotions you're feeling are wrong.

She was emotionally abused to the point where she refused to see the red flags, and even she knows it herself. She points out how we intertwine our daydreams and our imaginings with reality:

"Sometimes we tell ourselves stories of How Things Should Go, and we get angry and upset when life doesn't go to plan. And, sometimes, I've realized, we tell ourselves stories of Let's Imagine The Worst And Pretend It's The Truth, without actually checking in with real life to see if our dark make-believe is grounded in any reality. And it causes such pain, us being lost in daydreams of if-onlys and I'm-sure-it-won'ts."

I had to quote that because it's such a significant and profound statement. I'm guilty of doing this. I'm such an overthinker that the thoughts that appear when I overthink seem to mix in with my reality, making me think that it's the truth when it isn't.

I'm certainly still in the process of healing, just like Amelie, and it's a process for a reason because it doesn't happen overnight. When you neglect working on yourself and refuse to learn from your mistakes, you don't improve your growth as a person, which is why I think it's so brave that people, such as Amelie, have taken that step to reach out for help. Because the first thing that is scary to admit is the fact that there is something wrong.

But if Amelie, a fictional book character can get through it, you can too.

If you have been affected by the issues mentioned in this blog post, don't hesitate to talk to a loved one or someone closest to you, or even me. You can contact me on my blog or if you have the links to my social media. If you can't or would prefer talking to someone else, the following organisations will be able to help:

• Samaritans - available around the clock, every single day of the year. Call, free, any time, on 116 123. Or email jo@samaritans.org. To visit and find your nearest branch, go to samaritans.org.

• The Mix - they're here to help under 25s get to grips with any challenge they face. Anywhere and anytime, online, over the phone or via social media. Helpline: 0808 808 4994. Or visit themix.org.uk.

{#books #novels #rave #ThePlacesIveCriedinPublic #HollyBourne}